Big Island Day 6 -- 4/14/17

     Travel time.  And yes, it is going to suck.
     Five legs: Kona to Maui, Maui to Hilo, Hilo to LAX, LAX to Houston, Houston to Atlanta
     Sigh.
     I loaded up the car, proud that I hadn't bought so much junk that I had to check any extra bags.  I was just about to call Gigi and let her know I was leaving when she appeared outside.  We talked a bit and she gave me a hug, asking me to consider coming back to her place if I ever return to the Big Island.  Even though I had my issues with this trip, Gigi's hospitality was not one of them.  She was nothing but warm and accommodating and I have no problem recommending her place to anyone thinking of visiting Kona.
     Back to Huggos' for breakfast and the same smiling waitress who remembered me from the day before (I do love having waitstaff who are happy to be there -- way to earn that tip!).  I decided, begrudgingly, that I didn't have time for Hapuna and also didn't want to carry around a wet bathing suit onto 5 different planes.  I did a little driving around, finding a pier with a million boats in dock before going to the airport.

     Returning the car to Avis was a hassle.  I'd already called them earlier to make sure they wouldn't have a problem with me dropping the car off here instead of returning it to Hilo (despite the plane riding nightmare that would follow, I'm still glad I didn't make that trip).  After waiting forever for them to find bigger vehicles for the people in front of me, I got grilled on where I'd parked the car and why didn't the attendant see to it.  Beats me, it's not like I knew where I was going.  The lady printed off the exorbitant bill and handed it to me without another word.  Well, I guess I'm done then.  I went outside to wait for the shuttle, already in a foul mood.  Wouldn't get any better from there.
     I do like Kona Airport.  Like a lot of Hawaiian hotels and restaurants, it's mostly open air.  There are awnings to shield the machines and computers but for the most part, it's not inside an actual building.  We even boarded the plane from the tarmac, a rarity in my travels.

     Kona to Maui -- A pretty decent flight, no issues.  I did love the view of the mountains on Kauai before we landed in Maui.
     Maui to Hilo -- Delayed.  About 10 minutes before we were to begin boarding, there was an announcement that our plane had gone back to Honolulu for some reason and we would take off about an hour later.  I wasn't worried -- it was still early and my flight out of Hilo didn't leave until 9 pm.  Then, an hour later, after another load of passengers had already left from our gate, we we told that there was a gate change.  Mass exodus to the other side of the airport, some more waiting, and finally, we were out of Maui.
     Hilo to LAX -- Yeah ... As much as I liked Kona Airport, and Maui is on my favorite island,  I am not a fan of Hilo.  It is old, musty, and entirely indoors.  So, of course I'd be waiting here the longest.  I grabbed some dinner at a funky little diner (the only one in the airport) then parked myself at the nearest outlet to satisfy my tablet addiction.  After waiting for about twenty years, I heard exactly one announcement for our flight.  I went to the restroom, came back out and the entire waiting room was deserted.  I guessed we were boarding so I hauled it up the escalator to the gate.  Since I'd come in on a flight, I still had to get my tickets and hurry into line as my zone was already waiting to board.  
     United Airlines -- again, not my favorite but the only one leaving the island at the right time.  There are no USB ports on this flight, just some obnoxious screens in the headboards of the seats that are way too bright. They also tend to turn themselves on at random times even after they've shut off.  Cramped again as my knees are directly against the seat in front of me.  I really need to pay more attention to my seating arrangements -- I always make sure to have a window seat but I need to be in the front row of coach.  I kept having this voice in the back of my head saying 'deep vein thrombosis' and I'd have to shift in my seat again.  Not helpful in getting much sleep on this overnight flight.
     LAX to Houston -- On the good side; my next gate is about 20 feet away from my arrival gate.  On the bad side; the carpet in this terminal is filthy.  There were huge stains everywhere making me not want to even put my bag on the floor (everything got Cloroxed when I got home).  It's early here, not even 6 am, but my body is confused.  Even though I should get something to eat before the next flight, I really wasn't hungry.  The roughly 2 hour layover goes quickly and then it's onto the next leg.
     Houston to Atlanta -- I've never been to Houston before.  It's a small airport with a short open air train that took me to the next gate.  I found the first place where I could get a real breakfast and sit down to enjoy it.  There's a cool diner in the airport with a wide view of the tarmac.  Good breakfast, but I was so tired I barely noticed that I had a hon waitress ("What can I get you, hon?"  -- my absolute favorite).
     Yet more waiting and knowing that even after I get to Atlanta, there's still a train ride, a walk from Sandy Springs MARTA to my car and a nearly hour long drive before I'm home.  Yuck.  We were in the hall ready to get on the plane when they announced that the plane's air conditioning had shut off.  Back up the ramp to wait for another hour until it was fixed then we were boarding again.
     At two hours long, the flight is mercifully short but I am wiped and just want to be home.  Not go home, be home.  Grateful again that I had only carry-ons, I got to Atlanta and onto the train.    You ever notice how the journey to a destination usually feels longer than the return trip?  Well, that was not this case this time.  This whole trip took way longer than it should have and I was feeling every bit of it.
     But still ... car is fine, house is standing and I'm very grateful to have made it home safely.  A little weird still to enter an empty house -- my last pet, Beata, got sick last month and I had to put her down.  I had her for almost 14 years, making a total of 20 years with the three pets so I'm still getting I'm getting used to truly living alone.  Something else that's weird; five years ago, I lost my other cat, Jonah, went to Hawaii, and saw my favorite band in concert.  This year, Beata passed and I caught Duran Duran the night before flying out for this trip.
     As always, thanks for your attention.  I still recommend that everyone visit Hawaii at least once.  Even though the Big Island wasn't for me, I'm sure it will work for others.  There are still beaches, seaside dining, and friendly faces to give you that full Hawaiian experience.

Mahalo and Aloha.
   

Big Island Day 5 -- 4/13/17

     Last full day on the island.  Birthday #46.

     I gotta say that this has not been the best trip.  As much as I love Hawaii (and will still return), there have just been too many elements that I haven't liked.  The long drives (again, due to poor planing on my part), the gray beaches, little water time, and this general sense of fatigue that has hung over me the entire time means that I'm not getting the usual island buzz.  But, as this is my last day, I think I've finally rested enough to risk getting back in the car for more exploration.

     After getting breakfast at this great place called Huggo's (another restaurant directly on the water with really great views and a waitress who kept thanking me for everything), I was headed north.

I had made plans to leave out of Kona Airport the previous day so I wanted to get a sense of how far away it was.  There were also several beaches and communities up north left to see.

     Getting onto Queen K Hwy, I found Kona pretty quickly.  North of there were turnoffs to neighborhoods separated from the road by long roads wending through the middle of nowhere.  Again, there were just huge stretches of nothing but piles of black rock and soil.  Then, suddenly, civilization.  One community I visited was huge; there were separate clusters of private homes, condos,  and rental properties all surrounded by a golf course (had to be on the lookout for carts crossing the street) with a shopping center in the middle.  There was a beach around there somewhere but I never found it.  I stopped to take a look around and saw a shop where you can arrange for adventures.  I had tried to get on a boat the day before but, just my luck, I ended up at one of those time share scams instead of an actual shop.

     Traveler's Tip #4 -- When looking to book an island adventure, be it snorkeling, helicopter tour, surf lessons or whatever, always make sure you can clearly see a list of prices on display.  If you see a kiosk and there are no prices visible anywhere, run the other way.  Unless, of course, you're interested in a time share on the island.  And make at least $75,000 a year.

     I'd caught onto the time share sham a bit late in the pitch.  The dude had already called the snorkeling boat and booked my 'free' seat.  But by the time he tried to arrange for me to go to a certain place at a certain time and listen to a pitch, I realized that getting on a boat that day was not worth spending two hours of my Hawaii time, on my birthday, listening to some high-pressure pitch for deal I couldn't even afford.  I got out of there in a hurry.  

     The disappointment continued on this day when I tried to book a last minute helicopter tour.  I've never been on one and figured a birthday in Hawaii was an excellent chance.  No luck though.  The most popular tour that flew over the volcanoes and around the entire island before returning to Kona was all booked up.  The only other available flight merely circled the northern part of the island which I was already doing by car so I passed.
     Heading further north with no real goal in sight, I passed a sign for Hapuna State Park.  Hey.  I've heard of that beach.  Might as well take a look.  Paid $5 for parking, found a spot in the decent sized lot and started walking.  Past the parking lot are picnic areas, restrooms and a path leading down to

arguably the most gorgeous beach I've ever seen in my life!  Who says the Big Island doesn't have beaches?  If I had done my homework beforehand I would have found out that Hapuna is considered one of the best beaches in the state.  And when that state is Hawaii, that's really saying something.

     If I'd found this place on my first day on the Big Island, I probably would have spent every day here.  The weather was absolutely gorgeous, the beach wasn't too crowded, and the water was great.
     And here I am without a bathing suit.
     What an idiot I am!!  Yeeeeeeshhhh!
     As much as I wanted to get in the water, I had to settle (ha!) for walking along the shore and getting my pictures.  Then I sat on the rocks for a while just looking at the water.  Then I sat in one of the picnic areas where there was a nice breeze and just chilled out.  Can you tell I didn't want to leave?

     But there was more to explore on the Kohala Coast.  I left Hapuna, thinking that I might be able to come back on the way to the airport the next day and went on to the beach at Mauna Kea.  To get to this one, you have to go through a security guard.  He asked me where I was going, warning me that there may not be much parking left but he'd let me in.  Parking is really tight here as this beach is part of another community and only a small piece of land is given over to beach parking.  But I managed to find a space and took the rather long path to the water.  You can't even see sand from the parking lot or most of the trail but once you pass by the bathrooms the ocean comes into view.

     This one is nice.  But Hapuna has it beat.
     Stayed for a little while before starting the trip back to Kona.  On a whim, I followed a sign stating food and gas off of another side road.  Let's just say the gas tank had better not be on E when hitting this road.
     It's a least 3 miles of this before you even see the community.  This is what gets me about driving on the island.  It's not like I need to see a mini-mall or convenience store every few feet but so much of the terrain is completely barren.  Being such a large island (every other island in Hawaii could fit inside this island with room to spare) and the youngest island in the state, it would make sense that much of it is just volcanic rock.  Still doesn't make it any less depressing to drive through.  
     After taking a short tour around the community and getting back on Queen K, something finally occurred to me.  I mentioned seeing the swimmers in the little bay where the Iron Man starts.  I also saw several bikers on Queen K as this is the road where the 112 mile bike portion takes place.  But all along my trip, I'd seen clusters of cars just parked in the middle of nowhere.  There was nothing to see, no construction sites anywhere and no one around the cars.  I couldn't understand what they were doing there until I figured out that these cars belonged to the bikers.  It seemed they would just pick various areas along the road, unload their bikes and be gone.  I've already mentioned how hard this road is to drive.  I really can't imagine being on it on a bike.  For a hundred miles.  In the hot sun.  If I didn't already admire triathletes ...
     I ran into some traffic, a complete stop on this two-lane road that reminded me way too much of Atlanta, as I was heading back to Kona.  Stopped off at Bubba Gump's again and had a lovely salad and multi-colored cocktail while watching the sunset then returned to the hotel.

Big Island Day 4 -- 4/12/17

You know it's not going to be the best day when you awake to a flooded toilet.

There's a little sign on the toilet that says "Slow flush, hold for 2-3 seconds".  I thought I'd done that the previous night but apparently not.  I'd been gone the previous day and hadn't pounded the porcelain when I got back so it all came down to me, on the eve of my 46th birthday, not knowing how to flush a toilet.

Great.

Dummy me tried to 'fix' it by jiggling the handle and ... well ...Those extra beach towels in the room came in handy mopping up the mercifully clean water slowing flowing out of the bathroom and towards my suitcase.

 
This all happened at 5 am.  I'd already had a restless night only to be awakened by that freaking rooster crowing.  I know there are plenty of birds on the island, including wild chickens, that roam around.  But did one of them have to be directly outside of my open windows?  And, oh yeah, I need to use the bathroom.  Sigh.

After cleaning the floor as best I could, I gave it a couple of hours before I woke Gigi.  In the meantime, I got dressed and went to the restroom on the beach. By the time I got back, it was around 8 and I made the embarrassing call.  I was glad she was already awake and cool with it.  She shut off the water (why didn't I think of that?) and told me the maids would be coming soon and she'd just tell them to hit this room first.  Being a bed and breakfast, the rooms aren't touched while occupied (works for me -- I had plenty of towels and didn't need the room made up every day), so they'd have to make a special stop while I was out.

Traveler's Tip #3 -- There are free parking areas off of Ali'i Dr -- don't automatically go for the very visible paid parking lots.  The public lots are usually hidden but if you follow the signs and get there relatively early, you won't have to pay exorbitant rates to park.  I ended up spending almost $30 on parking before I figured this out.

I went back to the restaurants on Ali'i Dr, got some breakfast and did some walking around.  At the end of the drive is a pier with two small areas for bathers.  There's a wide stone wall beside one of them.  I dangled my legs over the side and got a great view of the clear water and a bunch of swimmers starting to train.  It took me a minute to realize that this is the exact area where the Iron Man begins.  I have always been fascinated by triathletes.  You have to be tough to even get through the swimming portion let alone follow it up with the biking and running.  I watched the folks go out and waited for them to come back in.  It seemed to take forever and I wasn't even the one putting in the effort.  I can't imagine actually training ...

On the far side of the other bathing pool, the hotel had set up their party area.  Two dudes were already out there preparing the pit for a luau.  I still need to attend one of those -- just can't keep my eyes open long enough to get there at night.  Maybe next trip.

    

Past the pit were historical sites cordoned off from the main area.  This included a 'castle' of one of the old rulers of Hawaii and some kind of altar.  Kind of strange to see these artifacts in the middle of all the modern activity.

I did some shopping and then back to the hotel to get my bathing gear.  I was thrilled to see the room as pristine as I'd first seen it.  Apparently, this wasn't the first time one of the toilets flooded because it was fine after the clean-up -- no plumber required.  I made sure to be very careful with that sucker for the rest of the trip.  Thank goodness there were no more mishaps.

Like I said earlier, Kahulu'u is a nice small gray beach.  The weather the whole trip (except in the south) was in the high 70's/low 80's and the sun wasn't too strong.  Barely using sunscreen or my hat, I got tanned but didn't burn.  I did get prickly heat, though, as I do any time I spend most of the day in the sun.  It was nice to lay out and not do nothin'.

That was preferable to getting in the water.  Hawaii is known for its killer surf but being that this area is reasonably protected from the winds, the water was relatively calm once you got past the rocks.  About those rocks ... I saw a bunch of snorkelers who were just fine floating off the coast about 100 yards out.  But in order to get there, you have to navigate the incredibly rocky shoreline.  The water was warm enough once I got used to it, but I simply could not deal with the rocks.  I felt like if I put one foot in the wrong place, a stronger wave would have me tripping back and breaking my ankle.  I really didn't relish that thought, and since I had no interest in snorkeling, there was very little ocean time for me.

Slightly bummed, I went back to the hotel for a shower and some tablet time (damn that thing!).  I actually felt guilty for a while for not doing more outside activities until I remembered that a vacation means a time for rest.  If I wanted to just hang out on the lanai and listen to the birds while I fed my tech habit, there was nothing wrong with that.  I always require a certain amount of quiet time and being away from home doesn't change that.

Dinner was at a place called Humpy's, a beer pub across the street from the ocean.  I had a burger and a killer view of the sunset before calling it a night.

   

Big Island Day 3 -- 4/11/17

     There's this great place called The Fish Hopper on Ali'i Drive with an excellent view of the water.  It was there that I had a Loco Moco, an Hawaiian breakfast I'd had in Maui years earlier..  Still a yummy, fattening mix of fried rice, scrambled egg, and a hamburger patty smothered in gravy.  All served with Kona coffee, of course.

     I need to note that there were a couple of women sitting at a table near me.  One woman was complaining to someone about how high her long distance bill was going to be.  On her cell phone.  In Hawaii.  Yeah, it's a real mystery how her bill could have been so high.  And she actually took another call while on the phone with the first person!  As much as this trip was making me have serious smartphone envy, at least I wasn't with someone who paid more attention to her phone than me.  And I certainly wasn't facing a $400 phone bill coming back from vacation.
     Properly fortified, it was time to tackle the daunting drive down to the Volcano.  Did I mention that the Big Island is big?  The road to Hawaii Volcano Park was long, curvy, and fronted by ever-changing scenery.  Most of that scenery was pretty bleak.  Piles of volcanic rocks would give way to fields of brush, sprinkled with the occasion small town or farm.  This was better than travelling Saddle Road as there were places to stop, plenty of gas, and ample evidence of human life but it was still kind of depressing.  It kept getting darker and darker the further south I went with occasional bouts of rain.  I didn't think much of it at the time; it is still Hawaii and it's the rain that keeps everything lush.  But Gigi informed me on my last day that a lot of battles were fought on the southern part of the island and that bad mojo still clung to the place.  I totally believe her as I got more drained and tired as the trip when on.

     Just before reaching the park, I took a detour to Punalu'u, one of the island's black sand beaches.  The area was absolutely gorgeous and the almost Gothic feel of the place kinda added to the bad mojo theory.  I finally got to see a a turtle, just lying there on the beach like it was posing for photos.  Or dead.  I'm still not entirely sure the thing wasn't dead.  It didn't move once while I was there.

     As pretty as the beach was, it didn't really invite visitors to stay long.  Sure, there were bathrooms, plenty of parking, and a few concessions stands, but the off and on drizzle continued under the overcast skies and it was chillier here than in Kona.  There were people sitting on the beach in windbreakers instead of swimsuits.  I took my pictures and walked for a bit to stretch my legs before jumping on the final leg to the Volcano.

     The $20 fee to enter the park was good for 7 days of revisits.  That's great but I already knew that I would not be getting on that road ever again.  With Saddle Road and now H11 a bust, I knew I'd have to make arrangements to fly out of Kona instead of Hilo.  Sure, there was always the option to take H11 north to Hilo as it circled the entire island.  But I'd only been on the island a couple of days and had already had my fill of driving.  Flying out of Kona was the only option and I'd just have to eat the cost for my poor planning.
     Once in the park, I went to the Visitor's Center.  It had a theater showing lava flicks, a gift shop, and a bunch of displays of the park's wildlife and history.  I was just in time to join a tour group led by chipper man named Dean who looked like Steve Martin.  He took about 40 of us on a 45 minute walking tour to the summit of one of the volcanoes, I can't remember which.  He pointed out various plants and had a handy set of laminated pictures to go with his lecture (See?  Lots of rain here -- it was drizzling in bursts during the tour.)  He was a white guy but explained that he had moved to the islands about 10 years ago and had been adopted by the Hawaiians.  He was very enthusiastic about everything he discussed, warning us beforehand to stop him if he got too carried away talking about a fern.  I do admire passion even if I don't share it.

     He led us past the red Volcano House, a hotel/slash restaurant that was very convenient for anyone wanting to do some serious hiking in the park, and along what used to be a road until the volcano made it unfit for cars.  From there we could look over a rail and see the volcano itself.  No lava, as even the rangers can't predict when and where the lava will flow, but we could see the steam vents and the vegetation growing out of the rock.  Dean ended the tour with a prayer in Hawaiian, a story, and a song using a nose flute.  It was a nice, reverent end to the tour.

     Back to the car, I went up the short road to the museum. I opted not to do any of the longer car tours as it was still gray and raining and I did not want to be on H11 after dark.  The building was much like the visitor's center with gift shop and displays as well as a view of another volcano.  I could actually see tiny bursts of red shooting out of the fissure -- when I could see anything through the crowd of people.  With everyone gathered around the railing straining to see lava, I could barely slip my camera in between them to take some shots.  I could see lava but the camera angle was off so ... I'd say better luck next time, but I highly doubt I'll be visiting this park again.

     Since the crowds were working my nerves, I set off on the long, long trip home.  I got back to Kona around 5 pm and as much as I wanted a shower (I had brought a long pair of pants and a jacket to wear over my shorts and t-shirt and now everything was damp and clingy), there was no way I was going back out for dinner if I went directly to the hotel.  I needed a cosmo and some fried shrimp and went looking for the first place in Kona that would oblige.  Bubba Gump fit the bill and its location right on the water allowed me to stare at the sunset while getting my drink on.

     When I pulled up to the hotel, Gigi was standing outside talking to one of the other guests sitting on her balcony.  She took one look at me and said she could tell where I'd been just by how I was unpacking my car.  "Let me guess:  volcano?"  "Volcano, " I nodded.  "You're a smart woman."  She said she could always tell when guests had headed south because there was this drained look on their faces.  People who'd traveled north tended to look more relaxed.  She'd been to the volcano twice herself and knew how brutal the ride could be.  She advised I make the next day a rest day to recover.  The only thing I wanted to do was sit on the lanai and eat my pineapple in peace.

Big Island Day 2 -- 4/10/17

     Okay.  That was exhausting.
     Getting to the islands is normally a pain but wow.  Adding a 2 hour drive on a bad road at night, the 6 hour time difference (Hawaii doesn't recognize Daylight Savings), and of course, sleeping in a strange bed for the first time and its miracle my body wasn't more confused upon waking on my first full day on the Big Island.  But I was up at six and listening to the birds outside my balcony.
     Excuse me -- lanai.  And a pretty nice one at that.

     After lingering in bed for a while, I got dressed and met up with Gigi downstairs.  She gave me the lowdown of the place, showing me the recycling bins, the best parking (still tricky though -- more on that later), and the outdoor kitchen in case I wanted to cook my own meals.  The whole place was really nicely set up.  I had a microwave and mini fridge in my room along with beach towels (wish I'd known that earlier so I wouldn't have packed my own), a guidebook (the one I really wanted) and a map of the island.   Downstairs were paperback novels and bins full of swim shoes, snorkels, sunscreen, mats -- you name it, Gigi had the hookup.  There were even coolers and surfboards so you wouldn't have to rent them.  Just take them out when you needed them and return them when you got back.  Nice.
     It's amazing what you don't notice when you're dog-tired and driving down an unfamiliar road at night.  Once I walked down the rutty driveway that served as a road, I realized the hotel was directly across the street from Kahalu'u Bay, a salt and pepper-sanded beach that was considered one of the best for snorkeling on the island.  It also had a lot more black volcanic rocks than sand, something very common on the the Big Island.  Volcanoes are the big draw here not the beaches.

     I walked a bit up the road and noticed the many communities on Ali'i Drive but found that the nearby grocery store was a little far to reach on foot.  So it was back to the hotel for the car.  While there were parking spaces around the building, backing out of any of them was no picnic.  And you definitely didn't want to go backwards down that narrow winding road.  I managed to not hit anyone during the trip (can't say the same about some of the greenery) but became an expert of the 12-point turn.   The rental was about the same size as my car but it was still new to me and more difficult to handle.
     Ali'i Dr is a historic Hawaiian site and is the main drag in Kailua-Kona.  Once you get past all the houses, the speed limit drops and there are a bunch of restaurants and shops that stay hopping from morning to night.  A lot of the businesses are either on the water or have a great view of them.  After breakfast and some shopping, I drove around a bit to get the lay of the land.  I kept seeing signs saying 'Volcano 93 miles'.  I knew I wanted to go but ... that distance!  Maybe tomorrow.
     I laid out on the beach for a while, watching the students of the nearby surf school try to catch some non-existent waves and planning my activities for the next few days. Just a day to recover before seeing the sites.

Big Island Day 1 -- 4/9/17

     I have this weird thing going on.  My trips to  Hawaii seem to happen in 5 year intervals.  My first trip was in 2007 to Oahu, Maui followed in 2012, and now it's the Big Island's turn.  I have absolutely no problem with this pattern as I do so love Hawaii.
     This issue with this trip came with the planning.  I've never been a planner and don't anticipate much about trips as reality never lives up to the fantasy.  But even I'll admit that this one could have been better executed.
     For one thing, I didn't buy my guidebook until the day before the trip.  My last two books for Hawaii were written by the same dude, a local with a very laid back style who's done everything and seen everything twice.  Because I didn't order the book from Amazon like I'd planned, I ended up with a Fodor's guide that I barely consulted.  If I had, I might have done a better job at booking this trip.
     Traveler's Tip #1:  If you're going to stay on the west coast of the Big Island, make sure you fly into Kona Airport.  Hilo Airport is only for people staying to the south or on the east coast.
     Guess which airport I flew into?  Yep, I was scheduled to fly into Hilo despite my hotel being in Kailua-Kona on the west coast.  I didn't realize my mistake until a couple of days before leaving when I tried to map out the hotel.  I thought Mapquest had made a mistake.  Or maybe I'd put in the wrong address.  It just couldn't be a 2 1/2 drive to get to the hotel from the airport.  Had to be a mistake.  Right?
     I'm an idiot.
     Once I figured out this crucial info, I tried to change the flight but decided it would cost to much money.  I had already reserved a car and I figured that it's an island -- how bad could it be?
     And a cheap idiot at that.
     Travelling to Hawaii is already a pain in the butt and by far the worst part of any vacation there.  I joke that I only go out to the islands every five years because it takes me that long to forget the plane rides.  And while, yes, I will be returning (Kauai next time), I'll definitely need the full five years to forget this ordeal.
     The flights themselves weren't so bad this trip.  A 5 hour flight to LAX, a 6 hour flight to Honolulu, and then a 45 minute flight to Hilo.  Still not enough leg room but I was pleased to find that Delta now has Wi-Fi and USB connections on their longer flights.  As I've been addicted to my tablet for the last few years, this was a great option to have.  I had a brief bout of pressure sickness on the LAX-Honolulu leg but I wasn't exactly surprised (this is the third time I've gotten sick while flying over the west coast -- what's up with that).  There was also a baby sitting in front of me but she only fussed once during the flight.  The rest of the time she was just looking around at everyone and being adorable.  Just how I like babies:  cute and quiet.
     Flight got into Hilo at 8:00 just as the sun went down.  Now for the real fun.  I picked up my white Chevy Cruze from Avis and set out for the hotel.  Already tired from the flights, I got turned around before finally asking for directions to Saddle Road.   It cuts right through the middle of the island from east to west coast and at the time seemed like the logical, shorter route to my destination.


     Ye gods, I'm an idiot.
     Traveler's Tip #2:  When travelling to the Big Island, STAY OFF SADDLE ROAD.
     For those of you not in the know, Saddle Road is rather infamous on the Big Island.  It passes between two of the islands big volcanoes, Mauna Loa and Mauna Kea and for the longest time was known to be a complete mess.  Pock-marked and barely paved, only locals who knew the road and had 4WD would even dare to get on it.  I can tell you that it is not as bad as it used to be.   But it's still bad.
     The road passes by a lot of residences at first, making it slow going out of Hilo.  I initially thought this was the reason it would take so long but ... no.  The speed limit changes frequently throughout the trip, from 25 mph up to 60 mph in some parts depending on the curves.  Sometimes  there are two lanes, sometimes four.  There are obvious signs of improvement as there are construction vehicles everywhere, particularly in one area.  Y'know, the roughly two miles somewhere in the middle where the pavement stops completely?  Yeah.
     Here I am, tired and punchy in a strange car on a strange road at night only to find there is no road anymore and nowhere to turn off or turn around in case I don't want to try this.  The road was down to two lanes barely separated by some orange barrels at a speed limit of 20 mph.  And some guy actually passed me on this part because apparently I wasn't going fast enough on the unpaved road.  At night.  And did I mention that it had started to drizzle?
     I finally made it through that part and back to the pavement.  Soon after the speed limit went back up to 60 mph and I took full advantage of that.  The road is incredibly dark and lonely with few road signs, turnoffs or signs of life.  I was ready to wet myself with joy when, about 20 years later, I spotted some lights off in the distance.  I got past the part where the road was down to one lane (I have no idea how traffic progressed in the other direction -- it's not like there were flagmen on the road at this time of night.) and started to see road signs.  But my directions only got me so far.  Turns out that the Kahalu'u Road my hotel was on wasn't listed on Mapquest or Google Maps.  I passed by the 'road' twice before I spotted it.  The reason 'road' is in quotes is because, despite having a green road sign, it's more of a half-paved, rutty driveway to multiple residences than an actual road.  As I drove past these homes and up a hill, I kept thinking I'd made another mistake but no.  I saw a sign for Big Island Retreat to the right and pulled in.
     I was so relieved to be out of the car, I could barely walk.  It was 11 pm by this time and I was grateful that I'd made it before the 12 midnight cut-off for check-in.  But this bed and breakfast (without the breakfast) was locked up tight.  I didn't realize at the time that the doorbell was on the side entrance so I went to the front.  I was met shortly by a tiny woman named Gigi who ran the place.  She helped me with my bags as I explained my lateness.  She took me to the Pineapple Room, a lovely spot towards the front of the house with its own screened-in lanai and set me up with her phone number and Wi-Fi.  She expressed some surprise at the sight of my dinosaur of a flip phone ("Even my mom has a better phone than that!" -- Thanks, lady) but I told her about my tablet which is Wi-Fi enabled.  She then left me to it, knowing that I was too tired to do anything but take a shower and go to bed.   Which is exactly what I did.